While there were a lot of good things that happened in 2008, it also had it’s rough spots. Today, January 4th, marks one year since my grandma Mac passed away. I’m sure you can imagine it’s been a really hard day. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of her. Not a single day. I miss her so much and though I know in my heart she is in a much better place, I still wish I could see her bright smile or hear her joyful laughter.

Life will be so strange when I go back to Georgia. Nothing will feel the same without her. Life goes on, and as it does it seems so empty at times. I think back to my youth a lot when I think about my grandma Mac. I tap into memories of running through corn fields, being chased by my cousins. Memories of swinging on the front porch swing at my great-grandmother’s as a Summer storm rolled in.. the cool breeze pushing through the trees, sending the wind chime into a whimsical tune as thunder clapped. Memories of going around the grounds gathering eggs, chasing the chickens and peering over the well even after being warned about “Bloody Willy” (a story told to keep us away from the well). A lot of good memories.

As silly as it may seem, it makes me incredibly sad to know these are things I’ll never experience again in my life. I still have those memories, but it’s hard to escape the reality that I’ll never swing on that porch swing again, gather the eggs, chase those chickens, run through the corn fields, peer over that well… I’ll never step into my great-grandmother’s house again, nor will I step into the house my grandma Mac shared with her last husband (biological grandfather died when I was about 6 years old). I’ll never experience them again.

I feel trapped. Trapped in this moment.. in these memories.. on this island, away from my family. I feel like I’ll never get back home. As much as it’s going to hurt to be back home minus my grandma Mac.. it’s where I want to be. With my family and my friends.

I’m taking a short break from watching the Calgary & Vancouver game. It’s turning out to be a very physical game, and makes me wish I were there in person to see it! I tried getting Jo to watch it with me but he’s only into it during the playoffs. I think I could watch the Calgary Flames every single day of my life, especially if Jarome Iginla is playing!

So, there’s not too much going on right now. Well, other than work (So Chic Design). I can’t even begin to tell you about how excited I am about it all, and how happy it makes me. It’s going such much better than expected, and that’s always a good thing! We’ve also been looking for a new place, which hasn’t been easy. Most places are either out of our price range, or in areas that we feel are too remote. I refuse to drive 20+ minutes to anywhere I need to be. Especially considering there will be lots of snow on the ground in a few weeks. Me and snow, we don’t have the best of relationships. The last time I had to drive in it, I cried the whole time. Ha, ha. It’s OK, you can laugh too!

The game will be back on shortly, so I’m going to go curl up on the couch and finish watching it!

Posted this to my other blog, Scribble Scratch, but felt I should post it here too.

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I would just like to make a note of something, just so there is no confusion, assumptions, implications.. etc.

I have never, ever been fired from any job I have ever held. Offline, or online. I have always worked hard and gone above and beyond what was expected of me. My work has always spoke for itself. There have been times that I have gone out of my way to help the person before me, be it a patient or loved one from the ER’s I have worked it, a member/customer of the financial institution I worked for, or any clients I have worked with throughout my years of design and photography. I don’t simply do what is expected of me, I do what I think would be appreciated and what I would want if the shoe was on the other foot!

I have appreciated every single job I have ever held, as it helped with bills, luxuries and made me feel like I was helping someone else.

I just want everyone that reads my blog to know that for future reference if needed.

They say when life gives you lemons you should make lemonade. I love lemonade, so I guess I’ll be making some of that.

The last few days have been a whirlwind. I am drained emotionally and mentally. I decided to close a chapter in my life, that being with Delicious Design. It was a tough decision, and while I will not get into the details because I know how people can be, I will say this; it is for the best, all the way around. I am genuinely bummed about the whole thing, as I was so excited to have begun such a chapter to begin with. Life is full of surprises, and sometimes as bad as those surprises make you feel, you eventually realize how much better things will be for you in the long run.

I have no intentions to stop doing what I love, design. I have already purchased a new domain so that I can have a fresh start all together. I’ve started working on a simple design for it, and will slowly begin the process of adding client testimonials, my portfolio, premades and more. I plan to launch it sometime this week, possibly before the start of the weekend.

Though yesterday proved to be a big upset, I feel so much better today because this will be better for me.

Most people are sound asleep by 3am. This morning at 3am, Jo and I were still awake and lying in bed picking at each other (lol). He finally told me, “OK, that’s enough! We have to get some sleep.” I, reluctantly, agreed. I laid there for at least 20 minutes before asking, “Jo, are you still awake?” Silence followed for about 5 minutes before he said “No,” trying to be silly. I then asked if I could ask him a question and he said yes. I rolled over and said “Do you ever think you’ll change your mind about kids?” I thought for sure he’d say no. For years he was so against children, even though I expressed my desires to adopt many times. Much to my surprise he said “Yeah. I just don’t want to adopt until we’re both really ready.”

Do you know how happy that made me? Like seriously! I’ve always felt that being a mother was a part of my future. I helped my youngest sister raise her 3 little boys. I also saw how much Jo enjoyed helping out with Trent, her youngest. Then Jo’s cousin Chad and his wife had their first child, Rylee. She is cute as a button. We watched some videos last night of Chad trying to get her to say “ma ma” because she hasn’t yet. In the video she kept saying “da da,” and giggling about it. Like it was just the funniest thing that she wouldn’t say ma ma. Ha, ha. I think these things have opened Jo’s eyes up.

He asked me what made me wonder about that at 3am. Well, first of all, I’m very random at times and at night, I do a lot of thinking - just before bed. I told him that I’d been thinking about it a lot, then joked that since I was turning 30 this year, I could hear my biological clock ticking! Now most of you know I can’t have children, so we’d be adopting. We talked about our future plans and that once Jo finishes school and is working in his field, we would start the process. That’s probably 2-3 years away but it’s nice to know that we’re both FINALLY on the same page.

I think my biggest fear if we never had children is that I’d be missing out on something. Like, I’d be 80 years old and looking back on my life and thinking to myself about all of the things I never experienced: first steps, first words, first day of school, sweet 16’s, graduation..etc, etc. He said he felt the same thing. My heart fluttered!

My birthday is approaching, much fast that I’d like honestly. This year I’ll be turning the big 3-0. Ouch! I hear that 30 is the new 20. I sure hope that’s true, because if not, I’ll start my counting backwards. Ha, ha!

Anyway. I’ve been working really hard the last couple of weeks and decided I’d buy myself a birthday present early. Now normally that would be a new handbag, but I figured since we’re moving (again) in November, I’d buy something for our new place. I decided to go with a new duvet cover. I found the perfect one on eBay earlier today and decided to watch it like a hawk until the last minute, when I’d place my bid. Much to my surprise, I won! Woot!

I’m now the proud owner of this gorgeous set, which comes with: the duvet cover, 2 shams, 2 throw pillows, 1 neck roll pillow and 1 bed skirt. All for under $70 with shipping and handling! What a steal.

I need a change, a fresh start if you will. I just felt this urge for a new space. A new place to write on a more personal level. I still have plans to keep my other blogs running. I still plan to update regularly. I guess I just don’t feel that personal connection to them anymore. Not like I did in the past. Perhaps the newness wore off, and perhaps it will with this one too eventually, but I plan to enjoy it while I can.

I have been a pretty busy bee lately, which may also be the cause of the disconnection that I have felt from my other blogs. I am pretty occupied with design work, which has been stressful and overwhelming at times, but I have enjoyed every single moment of it. I hope I am blessed enough to continue doing it for a long, long time. There may be some really exciting news with that soon, but I will wait and see what comes of the “talking” first. I would hate to come out with it before anything is set in stone, you know?

I guess this is the obligatory first entry, a welcome entry. So, welcome to my new space.